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October 07 2017

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baby: *incomprehensible babbling*

me: WHAT!? really??? no way :0

This is actually really good for babies’ brain development. You’re laying the groundwork for conversation, teaching them through example that people take turns talking and listening.

Did you know that babies from affluent families hear an average of thirty MILLION more words before age 5 than babies in families below the poverty line? For context, Les Miserables is about 650,000 words and it looks like this:

So it’s like reading this book 46 times.* And that’s not the total number of spoken words, that’s the GAP between affluent and poor babies. And these are the years in which the brain undergoes the most development. It’s mind-boggling.

So what I’m saying is: keep doing the thing. Do it to all babies, all the time. Narrate your day. Ask them for opinions. (“Should we buy the large bag of potatoes or the small bag?” “Gaabooglagje.” “Yes, just as I thought.”) Point out colors and shapes and letters. Let them scribble outside the lines and treat their babble like talk. Sing them nursery rhymes and Raffi songs and songs from the radio. All of these things are going to build their brains to prepare them for kindergarten and beyond.

*Please do not read Les Mis 46 times to an infant. They don’t even care about the Parisian sewer system.

That last part though

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Alaskan teen traumatised after getting death threats for killing a huge whale





Animal rights activist keep your colonial ethics off of our children. Look at yourself and your own complicit-ness in policies that are genocidal and problematic. 

He literally fed his whole village. Alaska is known for having very high food prices and he provided for his village.
I’m proud of him.

I’m proud of him too. Also bowheads aren’t endangered. At all. Welcome to ethical sources of food.


This is the GoFundMe link for his legal fees, please support him and his family

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Twitter has a 140 character limit, yet I still found a way to tell one of the longest and most obnoxious knock-knock jokes of all time within a single tweet.

I am more proud of this accomplishment than any human right has the right to be.

The dads are evolving

They have learned our technology, they control our communication

fun drinking game



take a shot everytime you feel like you wanna die


the concept of our teenage years having to be the “best years of our lives” is so toxic lmfao? especially for people who grew up with mental illness that caused a lot of stagnancy in those years…it just blows my mind that some people will really try to convince younger people that this small portion of their lives should be the best rather than encouraging them to see life as years and years of opportunity

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new hero. [x]

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This man is already living in 2027

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this is the number one celebrity tweet nothing tops this

me when I’m not collecting those notes



I really…fucking hate customer service.


Okay, as a lot of you know, I work overnights at a hotel. It’s for a pretty recognizable brand, so we get a lot of high paying customers.

Part of my job is to prep the breakfast area before the breakfast team shows up so that breakfast is done by the time it needs to be. This, of course, means that I have to step away from the desk. It doesn’t really help that the time I need to start working on breakfast is also when customers start checking out.

So I had the bright idea of making a sign. It’s not fancy, the letters are pretty big, and it basically just says “Hey if you need me I’m in the kitchen, just give a holler.”

It’s worked really well so far; people see it, they call for me, and I get them taken care of with little to no fuss. Or, at least, it’s worked up until now.

This guy.

This. Fucking. Guy.

I finish prepping the breakfast area, I walk out, and at the front desk is a man, huffing and puffing. He harshly asks “Are you working the front desk?”.

I say with my best customer service voice “Yes sir, I just had to prep a few things for the breakfast team. Can I help you with anything?”

“Yeah you can help me by giving me some fucking service. I’ve been waiting for almost five minutes and I have to catch my flight!”

Oh boy. Here we go.

So I tell the man, “Well, sir, if you’ll look right in front of you, if you needed me, that sign tells you that I was in the kitchen.”

And this man. Just. Fucking looks at me. And says.

“You expect me to fucking read on my day off?”

And I just.

I was floored. That someone would say that. Completely unironically. With no hesitation.


Fucking customer service, man.




“I’ve NEVER. Eaten a DONUT. In my ENTIRE LIFE. And I’m NOT. About to start NOW.

-Crazy customer I had today, upon being offered a complimentary donut

Why is this a real thing that happened in the real world what’s the meaning of this

I’m just gonna copy paste the story here from discord because honestly the whole story is worth hearing

so lady comes through drive thru.
“Hi what can I get for you?”
“A sesame bagel with extra cream cheese.”
“A sesame bagel with extra cream cheese, sure no problem, can I get you anything else today?”
“Alright, you can pull up”
and I just hear this quiet disgrunted “ ‘Please’ ?”

I’m like uhhhhh, was that even directed at me, I don’t know, I don’t know how to respond to that so I just ignore it like I didn’t hear it. I go up to the window and see this woman, which she honestly looked like a tomato with messy gray hair. Before I have the window halfway open I see her roll her eyes at me so I’m like oh boy here we go, time to put on the stupid sweet customer voice

“Hi how are you today?”

She hands me the money for her bagel and goes “Just a tip. It’s ‘Please pull up to the window.’ not ‘pull up.’ I found that incredibly rude.”

I go “I’m sorry about that, I didn’t intend for that to be rude, I just meant that it was okay to pull up to the window now.”
“I know what you meant. But it was rude.”
“Well, I apologize. Here’s your bagel, have a great day.”
She goes “I’m a MYSTERY SHOPPER.” (If you don’t have Mystery shoppers where you are, it’s kind of like undercover boss where the store owner hires someone through the Mystery shopper program and they place a regular order just to make sure people are following policy)
I’m like “… ok”

So I’m about to tell my boss and coworker what just happened when she comes in. And I jump to the front counter because no way I’m letting her talk to my boss before I do.

“Hi, can I help you?”
“Yes. This bagel was supposed to be NOT toasted. You toasted it.”
“Ohh, I’m so sorry about that! I didn’t hear that. I’ll make you a new one right now.”
Coworker beats me to the bagel and I say “A little extra cream cheese on that.”
She looks at my boss “She just said a LITTLE cream cheese. I wanted EXTRA cream cheese.”
Boss goes “Oh, she said a little extra cream cheese.”

Boss goes into kiss ass mode as well and says, “I’m sorry about the mistake, would you like a donut?”
Lady goes “I’ve never. Eaten a donut. In my ENTIRE LIFE. and I’m NOT. About to start NOW.”
Boss is like “… ok” and we’re all internally going sdhakgsdgkja?

So we get the bagel out and she says to my boss
“And I have one more thing to say.” She leans in with a sneer. “Mystery shopper.”
boss goes “We don’t do that here.”
yea you do.”
“No we don’t.”
yea you do.”
“Have a good day.”

Basically we’re pretty sure the lady was crazy and she was absolutely lying because Mystery shoppers are not allowed to tell you that they’re mystery shoppers, and they aren’t allowed to coach you. And even if she was, “please” is not one of the things they look for. They look for a Greeting, whether or not you repeated the order and the price back, and whether or not you upsold. We haven’t participated in the program in over 7 years.

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